Trace Meadows of Pensacola, FL, writes to ask, I hear there’s someone threatening to conquer the planet with his army of turtles. Should I be concerned? The referenced item of news is this: Florida Man Threatens To Conquer Planet Earth With His Army Of Turtles. Trace, I don’t think we need to be concerned. Due to …
Tag: animals
Feb 25
Getting Rid of Mice
Susan Taitel of Minneapolis asks, Does anyone have a cat, owl, or preferably a snake I can borrow to scare off some mice? Also does anyone have a mongoose I can borrow to chase off the snake? Additionally does anyone know what mongooses are afraid of? Susan, First, I want it clearly understood that I …
Jul 21
The Lizard Shelter
In honor of my recent visit to Reptile Gardens in Rapid City SD, I give you this giant lizard poem.
May 24
Time travel cookbook
Dear Tyler (writes Dan The Man Williamson III of Duluth MN), I recently inherited a time machine, and I’d like to use it to indulge my passion for novel gourmet cookery. I have access to a range of now extinct ingredients, but my problem is that I don’t know which things are edible, how to prepare …
Dec 25
Bioluminescent Reindeer and the Value of Diversity
Gerry Bartholomew writes: Is it just me, or was Santa kind of a shit to Rudolph?
Sep 23
The Squirrel Alarm
Dear Tyler, (writes Ferdy Johns of Ely MN) I’m not an early riser by inclination, but the last few mornings, I’ve been awakened by a tiny red squirrel who shows up at sunrise to throw pine-cones onto my roof. I’m far enough out in the country that nobody would be bothered if I just shot …
Aug 03
How do turtles communicate?
Qwerty in Baton Rouge asks: How do turtles communicate? Pheromones? No — turtlephones. One of the nice things about being a turtle — I don’t know this through personal experience — is that one’s shell provides a handy place to mount various devices that can’t then get lost, as well as plenty of space to …
Jul 18
More on cats and video games
In response to my article about playing video games with your cat, Leann Arnett writes: Umm what if your on your iPod and can’t get the games and you have no other devices but a computer and its not touch screen also the game cost money and doesn’t exist on a iPod?
Apr 16
How is Shakespeare Like a Porcupine?
Come to the Point W. Shakespeare, called by his friends Bill, Is said to have written his plays with a quill. I mention him here, though, just on the way To the topic I’d meant to hold forth on today, The connection to which might not seem too plain, But which I can maybe attempt …
Apr 15
How Ostriches Cope with Stress
Fernella Inskip of Bald Knob, Arkansas asks: What do stressed-out ostriches do when there’s no sand for them to bury their heads in? There are people around here who raise ostriches (for laughs, I guess?) and they run around on grass or at best, mud. The soil just isn’t very sandy in these parts. Fernella, …