Getting Rid of Mice

Susan Taitel of Minneapolis asks,

Does anyone have a cat, owl, or preferably a snake I can borrow to scare off some mice?

Also does anyone have a mongoose I can borrow to chase off the snake?

Additionally does anyone know what mongooses are afraid of?

Susan,

First, I want it clearly understood that I do the jokes here.

Second, I’m not sure your real problem is mice. I couldn’t help but notice that whenever a creature is causing you trouble, your first and only thought is to terrorize it into fleeing. Perhaps your real problem is attitude.

Who’s to say that, if you negotiated with the mice, you might not be able to come to some accommodation? Doesn’t that sound like much less trouble than an escalating series of predators, like the old woman who swallowed a fly?

Or, you could start out with a cat, which you might not feel you need to scare off when done.

Or you could even just threaten to bring in a cat, the same way a factory owner waves a scab list to scare striking workers back into line.

Then, if you fail to come to an agreement, you at least have had a chance to scout out their numbers and living arrangements, for a targeted terror campaign. For instance, carve pieces of soap to look like Swiss cheese, which will fool them since they have no electron microscopes or other test equipment. The sheer dissonance of thinking they’re about to eat a tasty piece of cheese, but then getting a mouthful of soap, will drive them to distraction.

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