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Tyler Tork

Fictioneer

Tyler Tork
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Training attack ferrets

Tyler Tork Posted on 24 June 2011 by Tyler24 June 2011

Vext Quiz of Punxsutawney PA asks, “How can I train my two pet ferrets to attack and kill intruders?”… (MORE)

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged animals, ferrets, gore, home defense, training

How do I talk to royalty?

Tyler Tork Posted on 22 June 2011 by Tyler22 June 2011

To get a king or queen’s attention, you should say, “Your royal highness.” Do not say “Hey you there!” or “Queenie.” You may use their first name if you happen to know it (e.g. “Elizabeth”). No nicknames, please. If you … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged buttons, forms of address, hair, royalty, royalty, shoes

Stopping alien expansion

Tyler Tork Posted on 20 June 2011 by Tyler25 June 2011

Maks writes: What is the funniest way to stop the alien expansion? There are so many kinds of angry, dangerous, terrible aliens… There must be a way to prevent the expansion! Maks, you’ve correctly identified the cause of the K’krabits’ … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged aliens, monsters, pest control, Spore, weight loss

How do I find a good dragon trainer?

Tyler Tork Posted on 17 June 2011 by Tyler23 June 2011

I’m going to assume you mean a dragon of the flying, fire-breathing variety. There are many other kinds that are perfectly nice to ride, but with all those movies recently, everybody’s got to have a flamer instead of, say, a nice safe water dragon…

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged animals, dragons, fear, livestock, monsters, training

What should I do if a monarch orders me beheaded?

Tyler Tork Posted on 16 June 2011 by Tyler15 June 2011

“Off with her head!” Wow, that gets the blood racing, doesn’t it? Well, relax. Kings and queens no longer have the authority to have people beheaded. They only do this to let off steam, or as a sort of nervous … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged royalty

How can I repel mosquitoes?

Tyler Tork Posted on 15 June 2011 by Tyler15 June 2011

Hilary Moon Murphy writes again to ask how to best repel mosquitoes. Now, my pal Socrates would leap right onto that question, but he wouldn’t answer it. Oh, no, that’s too easy. Instead he would ask another question, to wit: … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged pest control, science

How to eat a pickle

Tyler Tork Posted on 14 June 2011 by Tyler12 June 2011

When you eat a pickle, you must stand. Never eat a pickle sitting or lying down, as you cannot effectively defend the pickle in those positions. The correct posture for pickle eating is shown here (the actual pickle is omitted … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged food

How do I tell the difference between cheese and soap?

Tyler Tork Posted on 13 June 2011 by Tyler10 June 2011

A whitish-yellowish block. Could be cheese. Could be soap. How can you be sure? The answer can have definite consequences. Eating soap is unpleasant and bubbly. Cleaning yourself with cheese is ineffective, and attracts mice. In these and many other … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged cheese vs. soap, science

How can I tell stories at summer camp?

Tyler Tork Posted on 10 June 2011 by Tyler24 February 2018

Do you want to tell stories at camp? Surprisingly, the most important things you can do to insure success in story telling, begin before you start talking. First, make sure the audience can all see and hear you from where … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged summer camp

Tyler, how can I become as knowledgeable as you are?

Tyler Tork Posted on 9 June 2011 by Tyler9 June 2011
Tyler absorbing knowledge

Hilary Moon Murphy of Minneapolis wrote to ask how I developed my expertise. I sleep on books. I’ve found that if I place a book under my pillow at night, and skim the table of contents the next day, I … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged science

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