What should I do if a monarch orders me beheaded?

Royal Executioner

Royal Executioners are only kept on for show

“Off with her head!” Wow, that gets the blood racing, doesn’t it?

Well, relax. Kings and queens no longer have the authority to have people beheaded. They only do this to let off steam, or as a sort of nervous habit. Laugh — not mockingly, but as if they have made a joke — and repeat the Royal Salute.

However, in certain countries, Swaziland for instance, the king can have you beheaded or otherwise rearranged. If he doesn’t appear to be joking, you might be well advised to head for the hills. Only if you’re in that country, though. If the king of Swaziland travels to Atlanta, he probably can’t get away with reducing people’s height.

The political situation vis-a-vis beheading seems to be in some flux, so if you travel overseas, it’s probably a good idea to consult wikipedia to see who’s authorized to order extreme haircuts at the moment.