Sometimes, if a monster wants to eat you, you don’t get a lot of choice in the matter. So the best way to prevent a monster from eating you, is to avoid its notice. You should:
- Bathe regularly, so that you don’t smell delicious to monsters. When you bathe, use soap, not cheese, as many monsters find the aroma of cheese irresistible.
- Don’t carry around bags of monster chow, as this also has an attractive scent.
- Don’t say, “Monsters? Don’t be silly! There’s no such thing.” Because that’s always the first person to get eaten, isn’t it?
If a monster notices you anyway and is looking hungry, here’s the FDA-approved procedure.
- Look the monster in the eye and firmly say “No!”
- This usually doesn’t work.
- Run away.
- Dig a deep pit to make a monster trap. Cover it with branches. (Note: unless you can run much faster than the monster, it’s a good idea to have the pit prepared in advance.)
- Monsters are actually too smart to be fooled by this, and they will avoid the trap.
- However, they are not smart enough to look for you in the trap. Hide in the hole until it goes away.