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How Do You Solve a Problem Like Terry Faust?

Heimer Nutley, Editor of the ‘Hypoherald’ in Hypothermia, MN and (apparently) member of the Hypothermia Chamber of Commerce, writes:

How do you know Mr. Faust? Rev. Stout of the Us Versus Them Evangelical Church of Hypothermia and Mayor Tolly Eggerson have both written in attempts to distance the town of Hypothermia from Mr. Faust’s fictional portrayal. The town council would appreciate all information pertaining to Mr. Faust for a pending frivolous libel suit. We hope your deposition won’t be necessary but you never know!

Terry Faust, in the dark
Terry Faust, shown here lurking in the dark as he so often does.

Strangely, I do know Mr. Faust (everyone who knows him can say they know him strangely). He is an inveterate liar, a menace to society and to decent people everywhere. All these are pretty much necessary prerequisites for an interesting dinner guest. I’ve known him for years, and have mixed feelings about that, alternating between delight and regret.

It’s said that the U.S. Department of Justice has ruled the sale of his book about your town (Z is for Xenophobe, available from samsdot), a form of interstate wire fraud. That’s not true; that ruling is still pending. However, the book and its upcoming sequel, are generally recognized to be chock full of misrepresentations, distortions and outright lies. I don’t think you need to worry that the reputation of your fine town will suffer, because nobody believes that stuff anyway.

Suing him sounds like a good idea, an easy win that would help the city budget if he had any money. He’s probably experienced at dodging process servers, but if you hurry and get your paperwork together, you can catch up with him at his upcoming reading at DreamHaven Books on October 7th. Make sure the process server is a pretty young woman and have her say, “Oh, Mr. Faust, can I have your autograph?” as she hands over the papers, and you should not have a problem. You’ll also find several freshly alienated witnesses to his slanders there, whom you can depose.