Making an Artesian Well Work Better

An anonymous reader asks:

I’ve got an artesian well on my property and the water pressure is lousy. Any suggestions?

Chances are the well is depressed. Wells of all kinds are prone to depression since when you come right down to it, what are they but a hole in the ground and what kind of life is that?

Talk therapy is usually effective, but unfortunately, it’s hard to find a certified psychotherapist (or anybody, actually) who speaks Artesian. Like so many languages in our modern world, it’s dying out. So people often try changing things about the well’s environment at random to see what makes it feel bubblier. But we can do better than total randomness.

I assume you at least have the sense to not keep your well in a dark basement or other undesirable space. Artesians are the elite of wells, and tend to be rarefied in their tastes. Try hanging some nice reproductions of artwork near the well, and find compatible furnishings for the room.
Since water is mutable and squishy, wells tend to prefer the soft colors and emotionality of the Pre-Raphaelites, or something from the Impressionists, rather than the jangly abstractions of cubism or the strict formality of some of the moderns. A Mucha or a Maxfield Parrish would be better than a Mondrian, for instance. Do get the high-quality prints, in any case. In sculpture, Henry Moore is good, Chihuly is very good, Lipchitz not so much.

Mondrian No, Matisse Si

For furniture, similar principles apply. Ikea and Artesians don’t mix. No mission style. Art deco, Victorian, Louis XIV, are things you can try.