How to eat a pickle

Pickle defense posture

Pickle defense posture #1

When you eat a pickle, you must stand. Never eat a pickle sitting or lying down, as you cannot effectively defend the pickle in those positions. The correct posture for pickle eating is shown here (the actual pickle is omitted to avoid undue temptation).

Lean forward slightly, holding the pickle in one hand and with the other hand out to the side, both for balance and to fend off anyone who might try to take your pickle. Your feet should be well apart and pointing slightly outward. Take large bites. Chew vigorously. Remain alert.

This applies to all types of pickle that are small enough to hold in one hand. If your pickle is larger than that, you would generally cut it into smaller pieces, then eat them one at a time. You may want to set the uneaten pieces in a corner so that you can stand in front of them and block others’ access.

For the advanced pickle eater, there are other defensive positions for special circumstances (e.g. if you are in a tree). But for most ground-based pickle eating, this will serve.



    • Hilary on 23 June 2011 at 4:09 pm

    That pickle eater looks familiar. Suspiciously so. Do I know the miscreant who posed for that picture?

    • on 23 June 2011 at 4:16 pm

    The jail bait who posed for that picture is a common type, and you are probably getting her confused with someone else.

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