How to Live off The Land

If you must forage for food, look for the right kind of terrain. Try to find land to forage on that contains either shady woods where mushrooms grow, or a convenience store or fast-food restaurant.

If there’s someone else around who either has real food or knows how to find it, threaten to poison yourself by eating the mushrooms you find, unless they give you some.

Can you spot the food in this forest scene?

Euell Gibbons was once famous for encouraging people to eat pine trees. “Many parts are edible!” he said cheerfully on TV. It is not known what sort of pharmacological assistance may have helped him form this opinion.

Person eating pine cone

Many parts of a pine tree are edible, or so we are told. (Thanks to amelisa for this drawing!)

What old Euell failed to understand was the huge difference between “edible” and “tasty.” Between a pine tree and a hamburger, I would choose the hamburger every time.

It is possible that growing up with such an odd name made him strange. The possibilities for teasing are endless.

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  1. […] I discussed techniques for obtaining food in the wild. The problem then, of course, is that if you’re living in a tent, there are no sturdy […]

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