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How do I talk to royalty?

To get a king or queen’s attention, you should say, “Your royal highness.” Do not say “Hey you there!” or “Queenie.” You may use their first name if you happen to know it (e.g. “Elizabeth”). No nicknames, please.

If you meet a prince or princess, address them as “Your slightly less royal highness,” or by their first name.

Shrugging king
Royals are also puzzled by that whole last name thing.

Grandchildren do not rate until they’re married, and then only if they marry respectably. You can use nicknames and treat them as you would any other children, except that you have an additional tool to keep them in line. If they misbehave, tell them, “Remember, Billy,” (or whatever), “the nation is looking to you as an example. Don’t disappoint your subjects.” If you do this, the little future prince might quit hitting his sister. Or, maybe not.

Royalty do not have last names. Do not ask them what their last names are, because they will be embarrassed at being unable to tell you.

shoes with crowns on them
Compliment their shoes

All types of royalty like to be complimented on their shoes. Remember, no nicknames, so say, “Nice shoes, Charles!” not “Nice shoes, Chuck!”

Some also like to be complimented on their hair, but others may get offended if they think you’re trying to flatter them. The safe thing is to ask where they got their haircut; if they’d like a compliment, they’ll ask, “Do you like it?”

If the royals’ crowns are crooked or their buttons are buttoned in the wrong holes, do not draw this to their attention. They have minions for that. Let the minions do their jobs.


4 thoughts on “How do I talk to royalty?”

  1. Actually, you’re not supposed to address royalty. You have to wait for them to speak first. Unless you happen to fancy a one way trip to the Tower. (I’d do a smiley face here, if I wasn’t dead against smiley faces)

  2. It’s refreshing to have someone here who knows what they’re talking about. Superfluous, but refreshing.

  3. You never know, I might not be telling the truth at all. It could all be an elaborate ruse to get attention.

  4. Pingback: Addressing royalty | Asianevangelis

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